Night before last, a mountain lion, a bear, and a bull moose were spotted — walking into a bar. And then the moose said to the mountain lion: “We are not at a bar. We are at SMC.  And the people are gonna be freaked.” And so, much of our community meeting yesterday was devoted to talking about the wildlife sightings.  And then all sorts of people offered their non-expert opinions about what one should do if they encounter a bear, or a lion, or whatever.  Director Gayner ensured us that we would do whatever we need to do to be safe.  Maybe get a hundred air-horns so that each of us can carry one around, so that we can scare away the animals if they seem like they’re going to mess with us. In the marketing trailer, we’re having secret meetings discussing the next online event.  It feels special to be a part of the whole thing.  There is a lot of structural business-genius propelling it as well as genuine love and inspiration to …

We were going to spend five days with mad oneironaut LaBerge and bardo man Holecek, but then were swayed by the death.  The first night of the program though, just before a peek into the strange world that would be opened up over the course of the retreat, I had a look in the mirror and noticed that my gums had worn away a lot since the last time that I looked.  Unsettling.  And so I sat with that dreadful feeling of death while LaBerge danced around the room, exclaiming about the dreamlike nature of our experience, with a fierce image of Guru Rinpoche on the television screen in the center of the room. Holececk is a dentist, as well as concert pianist and Buddhist teacher, so I figured I could ask him about my teeth at some point.  Yesterday, I realized I hadn’t had the chance, and that all the Dream Yoga people were leaving the land.  I made a wish that I might see him, and then, looked up and he was there. …

A phrase which rolls off the tongue and rumbles our marrow: Suicide in the community. A knock on the door from Tseten early in the morning, alerting us: emergency community meeting, 9:30.  I guessed: fire evacuation (again).  No… People in tears — heavy, heavy.  Slowly, in the meeting, what had occurred was revealed. Together we rode the first wave of the process.  Helpful teachers and mentors who were on the land for ESA were present, fortunately.  Acharya Lobel, Kathy Tolstrup, Greth Patterson. Teachers, chaplains, helping to hold us, helping us to hold ourselves, and to embrace the emptiness — cannot hold anything. As we went around the room, sharing, it dug in deeper.  Set in like a sweltering fog. Afterwards, Heather and I spent the day together up at the house — making art, talking, laying on the rug, more art, ikebana, more talking.  A long healthy day.  In the evening, another community gathering.  So much question, soreness. We’re all along for a big murky ride.  We’re doing it well, I feel.  As a community, …

Big old family visit — blood family, mixing with land family.  A whole week of eventfulness, with gaps.  Such eventfulness these days.  So many gaps I refuse, deny, ignore. ~~~ This picture above is of Jake.  He barks at me ferociously every chance he gets.  He and his family live in the walls. ~~~ Life here in the cabin: peeing in a cup, carrying water jug up the long hill in the shiny new car — some weird American version of life: undeveloped in ways — such as no toilet, no sink (in the house) and yet, shiny new car.  Not carrying jug on my head, not even lugging it up in the back of a junky pick-up.  Drinking fine tea in the morning, imported from Taiwan.  Here on the computer, typing, looking out at the timeless mountainside.  Pardon me, time to pee in my cup and dump it out the window. Heather pees in a bucket.  She hasn’t peed one single time yet today.  I’ve probably peed about seven times since waking two and …