Month: September 2015

Floral Notes and Bardo: Softer Until What?

So soft this morning.  Almost troubling, like I’m going to fall ill — which would be appropriate, in some way, since it goes along with the theme of breakdown, slow down, cradle the baby, nurture, heal, and so on.  Which is sort of what’s happening in my narrative mind now.  Like, I took the freak-out aggression, “Why?!?!” crap as far as it would go.  That’s not true.  The indications that it was time to pause, rest, heal, were far more subtle than they could have been.  I caught it before it got too ugly.  How far could it go?  Well, our friend who recently took his own life, for example.  Me — I just got a bit grumpy, started craving escapes of various sorts.  This is potentially touchy stuff. Speaking of escapes — or maybe not — day after tomorrow I’m going on vacation.  I’m going down to Denver for the weekend to hang out with friends and go to Phish concerts.  This morning I felt concerned about the possibility of getting sick and not …

Floral Notes and Bardo: Become Completely Devoted, and Let Go Completely

Deer this morning, out my window, while having my morning tea.  Two adults, and two youngsters.  I picked up my little telescope to get a close look. Later, I entered bed and gently woke Heather. I read this line from Pema this morning, while on the quasi-toilet: “What you do for others, you do for yourself.  What you do for yourself, you do for others. Reflecting on my vows, aspirations, this morning.  And also on my particular struggles.  So much of it has to do with not “having the time” to do the things that I want to do. Like, only writing in my journal for ten minutes this morning instead of thirty.  And, only being able to spend an hour on the cushion, instead of two. Had a meeting with Joshua on Friday.  I had been up at the Stupa doing chores, while a sangha from upstate New York was visiting. Joshua gave them a tour, and then they set up a small shrine and did prayers.  I was in the back washing out …