On stage, witnessed, with no script–messy.
Masking bewilderment with a self-soothing heroic narrative is cowardly. Pretending to have courage/knowledge is miserly. The rules are training wheels. You’re gonna see me scrape my knees up real nasty. I’m a klutz. I am going to relentlessly sing through the shakes, in hopes that perhaps you’ll be kind enough to drop your judgment and hear me. I’ll try to hear you.
I say such stupid things and the feedback is more vivid, the more that I practice, the more that I become sensitive to the personal quality, directness, of the whole thing. Aggressive in such subtle ways, “We know not what we do!”
Arrogant in such subtle ways, trying to hold it together. Trying to do it. Do what?
Trying to be so smooth, to manifest according to our ideals. Please allow lots of room for stumbling and don’t identify with dummy or genius at any point along the path, and when you do, don’t identify as a person who does, and when you do…
Heightened sensitivity, feedback which triggers — the combo which is inherent to the learning process. This inclination towards learning, and also towards identifying as learn-ed. Recognition and further dropping of identity as this or that. Further freshness which is always unstained.
It’s always unstained and also colored by our knee scrape from a stumble a few steps back. Onwards in tattered glory.
— December 11, 2015
Floral Notes and Bardo: The Creative Chronicles of a Shambhala Mountain Resident is a regular feature on the SMC blog in which a member of our staff/community shares his experience of living as part of Shambhala Mountain Center.
About the Author
Travis Newbill is a writer, musician, and aspirant on the path of meditation. He currently resides at Shambhala Mountain Center, where he handles the SMC Blog, and other marketing tasks. He also gives tours of the Great Stupa and is empowered as a Shambhala Guide — a preliminary teaching position. Check out: travisnewbill.com Follow Travis on twitter: @travisnewbill